Six Questions You Should Ask Before Starting to Write a Eulogy

Now that you’ve accepted the responsibility of preparing a funeral tribute for the deceased, it’s important that you know some basic things about the funeral service before you even start preparing your funeral speech for the memorial service.

What time is your funeral speech
If you find out what time you are giving your tribute to the deceased, you’ll be more comfortable the whole day.

1.   Where and when will my funeral reading take place?

Sometimes you will deliver your tribute to the deceased at the funeral home during or after a wake. You may have the service graveside, and be asked to speak there. If the deceased was cremated, you might give your tribute where the ashes are released. You’ll feel more comfortable if you know when and where you’ll deliver the eulogy, and what comes before and after. If the information is not available from the family members organizing the service, or you don’t want to bother them in their grief, you can approach the funeral home or memorial director for this information.

2.   Will there be others speaking or just me?

If there will be multiple speakers at the service, you should find out how many, who they are, and get in touch with them to find out what they are discussing. Even if you don’t know them well (or at all), you can call them or send them an email (try to get this from someone in the family, or a mutual friend) to discuss your initial ideas, share information and make sure your final speeches are not conflicting, or overlapping.

Check if there is a microphone
Microphones can be difficult to deal with. Check if there is one, and if you can get a sound check ahead of time.

3.   Will there be a microphone?

Many people, who are not used to public speaking, prepare a beautiful reading or tribute for the memorial service of their loved one, only to become unhinged by the presence of a microphone, especially if they have never used one before. The most common mistakes include being to close or too far from the microphone, shouting into the microphone and assuming the microphone will still pick up sound if your head is turned  (unless it’s a headphone mic). Ask if there will be a microphone, and if so what kind. If possible, have a look beforehand, and ideally, organize a sound check sometime before the service.

A modern digital podium
Check if there is a podium where you will be speaking. Its a convenient place to put your written speech, water, etc.

4.  Will there be a podium?

Similar to the microphone, some very well prepared speakers are defeated by the lack of a podium, or one that is too technical. If you have your speech on cue cards, or paper, its more natural to have a podium in front of you to put these on. If you are standing in front of the crowd without a podium, you feel a bit more exposed, which takes a little getting used to. In today’s modern age, many podiums are digital, and have monitors or tablet computers integrated into them, as a mini-teleprompter. If this is the case, make sure you are familiar with the system, and that you have some sort of back-up in case it fails.

5.   Who is in your audience?

Your eulogy will be to honor the dead, but you also need to be careful not to alienate or offend your audience. You are likely to share anecdotes, but you need to tell stories and emphasize character traits that are familiar to all (or at least most) of the attendees, or they will feel like you are talking about a stranger. If an ex-spouse, step-children, etc. are present, be mindful and sensitive about the words you use and the stories you tell.

6.  Is there a time limit?

It’s important to recognize that your contribution will likely only be one part of the funeral service and that you should work within the defined duration. Again, those planning the funeral will be able to let you know this. Even if there is no time limit, you want to make sure that your memorial speech is not so short that it looks like you hardly knew the person, and not so long that people become inattentive or overwhelmed.

If you ask these questions before the day of the funeral and your tribute, you’ll be less likely to run into an unexpected surprise that might detract from your inspirational eulogy.

Next: Writing the Eulogy

I’ve been asked to give a eulogy…should I accept?


Think carefully about giving a eulogy...its a big responsibility.
Think carefully about giving a eulogy…it’s an honor for you, but also a big responsibility.

The passing of a loved one can be a difficult and confusing time for the friends and family of the deceased. Preparations for a funeral service add to the stress of losing someone you care about. One of the most difficult aspects of the funeral service is the eulogy. If you’ve been asked to deliver the eulogy, it’s natural for your feelings to be mixed.

Being asked to give the funeral speech to pay tribute to someone’s life is a great honor, but it’s also a daunting challenge. You’ll need to channel your grief, memories and love for the deceased into words, and then deliver those messages to your fellow mourners in a way that comforts them, leaves them feeling closer to the departed and hopefully helps them to deal with their own grief. This is a tall order, but there was probably a good reason you were asked to speak at the eulogy: The other members of the departed’s friends and family consider you close enough to the deceased to write and deliver a truly inspirational eulogy.

Should I accept the challenge of speaking at a memorial service?

If you’ve been asked to give the eulogy, you’ll need to make a fast decision about accepting the responsibility. A funeral is not something that can be delayed, and should you refuse, you need to be sure the family has time to find someone else. If you do accept, it’s not something you can change your mind about, and back out of later. If you refuse to give the eulogy, you put additional stress on those organizing the services, which will reflect poorly on you. No one can force you to take on the task of speaking in the memorial service, but I would suggest that you do accept. This is an honor to you, as well as a chance for you to help the friends and family of the deceased find some comfort in a trying time. An exception to this might be if, unbeknownst to the family, you and the deceased had some sort of a falling out, and your feelings are so negative you feel you cannot do honor to their memory. In this case, you should probably consider not attending the funeral at all, and can kill two birds with one stone by claiming to be travelling or otherwise occupied during this time.

Should you accept, it’s important that you realize that it’s a responsibility that requires preparation, thought and practice. Fortunately, there are resources available for you to help you with this challenge, so you can create an inspirational eulogy that will bring come comfort to the bereaved during their time of grief. With the advice and resources provided here, I believe you’ll be able give a funeral tribute that will touch the hearts of the bereaved.